The Insecure Leader
Posted on 18. Jan, 2010 by TrishDavis in Leadership
Thank you for visiting the CultivateHer blog! My name is Trisha Davis and I am the Domestic Engineer for the Davis household. 
I live in Nashville, Tennessee, along with my husband Justin and our three boys Micah (13), Elijah (10) and Isaiah (7). Our family moved to Nashville in July of 2009 to become a part of Cross Point Community Church.
Justin and I met in College and started doing ministry together in 1994. I have had the privilege of leading in various student ministries and in 2002 planted Genesis Church in Noblesville, Indiana. As the church quickly grew so did the demands and seductions of ministry and in 2005 our marriage imploded. You can read our story here.
Through the good and bad of 15 years of ministry there is one leadership lesson that often comes back to haunt me… insecurity. Insecurity in my opinion is one of the hardest leadership pitfalls to overcome. I know throughout my own family life and ministry career there have been seasons where I have had to fight through the tendency to lead out of my own insecurity.
Insecurity can rear its ugly head in many different facets of our lives. Some deal with insecurity in the form of not feeling good enough to lead while others feel threatened by more capable leaders around them. We see this play out at home, at work and yes even in the church. Where there are leaders there are insecurities. And when we lead through our insecurities most often dissention and stifled growth will follow.
So how do we push through our insecurities to become the leaders God called us to be?
Proverbs 3:3-5 (NLT) 3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. 4 Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation. 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
What I have learned over the past 15 years is that the root of my insecurity is distrust. When I start to distrust those I’m leading or empowering I become paranoid and overly sensitive. When I distrust that God has gifted me to lead I respond by not stepping out and getting involved. When I find myself in the pit of insecurity I need to remind myself to TRUST that God has a plan and a purpose for me and me alone to fulfill.
Have there been seasons in your life that you have tried to lead through insecurity? How have you learned to recognize it and fight through it?
24 Responses to “The Insecure Leader”
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18. Jan, 2010
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by CultivateHer: New post from @trishdavis23 “The Insecure Leader.” http://bit.ly/4t9iKR...
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20. Jan, 2010
[...] Through the good and bad of 15 years of ministry there is one leadership lesson that often comes back to haunt me… insecurity. Insecurity in my opinion is one of the hardest leadership pitfalls to overcome. I know throughout my own family life and ministry career there have been seasons where I have had to fight through the tendency to lead out of my own insecurity. You can read more of this post I wrote for the CultivateHer Blog HERE: [...]
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Lindsey_Nobles
18. Jan, 2010
I think we all struggle with the "insecurity thing." What I have to do is really think through why I am reacting (withdrawing, being defensive, wanting to scream) to something the way that I do? Am I jealous? Am I insecure? Am I doing something for the wrong reason? Just taking a moment to think through my reaction before I react seems to help.
Trish Davis
18. Jan, 2010
Lindsey ~ There is so much wisdom in how you deal with your insecurities. At some point it comes down to how willing we are to ask ourselves those tough questions. What's even harder is answering honestly and choosing to change our perspective. Great thoughts!
Anon
18. Jan, 2010
I think it all comes down to knowing the voice of the Holy Spirit and trusting HIM. I mean, if I learn to sit quietly at His feet, I'll learn to hear His voice. Then, He secures me. If I constantly try to remind myself to be secure and quote various Scripture passages, well, I'm still alone. However, if I learn to hear His voice and step out in faith, spelled "R-I-S-K"…then and only then am I secure.
Trish Davis
18. Jan, 2010
Anon ~ learning to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit is so crucial but I know for me recognizing that its my insecurities and not those who I feel wounded by is sometimes just as hard. Thanks for your thoughts!
jcatron
18. Jan, 2010
Ouch, wow, yeah! I feel like God has really brought me face to face with the insecurity monster this year. I've found that having trusted, honest voices in my life to speak truth to me (the good and the bad) is critical to pushing through this one.
Great thoughts Trish!
Trish Davis
18. Jan, 2010
I am thankful for how God has used you to grow me in this area. (well kinda)
Although its very hard to hear truth from a friend that you are getting off track, I have learned to cherish this part of my relationships. It has made me a better wife, mother, friend and leader!
Breanne McLendon
18. Jan, 2010
I love the honesty…great post! I sometimes feel it as a single women. I feel like I don't have a lot to offer because I haven't had the life experiences that other women have had. I can get wrapped up in that cycle of…'if I just do this I can be a great leader or if I can get to this stage in my life, then I can be a great leader." I have a hard time letting go sometimes and just realizing that God can use me despite the things I think are holding me back.
Trish Davis
18. Jan, 2010
Breanne ~ I am actually working on a post about the amazing role some of my single friends have played in the adult years of my life. You are so right about God. He doesn't need you to have a certain title, money or social status to be used as a leader. Life lessons happen regardless of what stage of life we are in and we can choose to use those lessons to grow as a person and a leader. Thank you for your honesty!
Blake Bergstrom
18. Jan, 2010
Dang Trish…why don't you preach it girl!! Justin..you are clearly way out of your league! Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share this Trish…great stuff!
Trish Davis
18. Jan, 2010
Blake! First, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH! Second, I am thankful for your wife who has on many occasions kindly listened to my insecure and sometimes insane rants and still loved me enough to be my friend!
Being vulnerable is always hard on the front end but its always worth it in the long run! Thanks for your kind words!
Hilda
18. Jan, 2010
BLAKE! Love that you commented!!!
Blake Bergstrom
19. Jan, 2010
i thought i'd comment again since you loved it!
Hilda
18. Jan, 2010
I have to fight with the insecurities in my life everyday from my work life, to being single, to being a leader. Im not sure if it will ever get easier.
Love you! So blessed to have you in my life.
Trish Davis
19. Jan, 2010
Jess ~ One of the things I admire about you as a friend and leader is your honesty. I have noticed that no matter who is around you, you are true to who you are and I think thats awesome and sometimes very funny (ex: our meeting yesterday)! Oh… on another note who's Hilda?
ash
19. Jan, 2010
Oh Trish, I so needed this today! I all-too-often give in to my insecurities. Especially in the area of seeking approval–which often makes me choose to do things on my own when I should be inviting and empowering others to join in.
Trish Davis
19. Jan, 2010
Ashley ~ I love your honesty and your wisdom to recognize the healthy steps we have to choose to be more effective leaders. There are several different characteristics to being a leader such as being a good communicator or a good listener. The more we grow as leaders the more we learn to recognize which areas we are good at and the areas we still need lots of growth. I think both are hard! So excited to see all that God has in store for you over the next several weeks!
brandiandboys
19. Jan, 2010
thanks for hitting me right between the eyes!!! the "insecurity monster" has visited me quite a bit in the last year, funny because it's really something i thought i left behind years ago that has recently revisited… i always tell myself to draw close to Christ, his unfailing security is all i need!
Trish Davis
19. Jan, 2010
I'm thankful that over the years we have learned how to "hit" each other right between the eyes and be better for it! Part of who I am today is from some of your love taps and for that I am forever grateful!
Thank you for your honesty! Love you friend!
Michele Helms
19. Jan, 2010
Love your site! My husband and I have been full time in ministry for 3 years and it is amazing how the enemy comes at us with insecurity! I look forward to more posts!
Trish Davis
19. Jan, 2010
Thanks so much Michele! We have a great mix of different styles of leadership on our CultivateHer team. I look forward to hearing from each of them in future post to come as well! Thanks for visiting the site!
Eve Annunziato
19. Jan, 2010
This is an awesome word, Trisha. I lover your heart and passion to help sharpen (me) other leaders. I think part of gaining wisdom in the best of leaders is the virtue of honesty. And, you are at the highest level in that category. Thanks for leading with integrity, character and HONESTY. One way I try to fight the "insecurity demon" that creeps up in my life is by surrounding myself with true safe leaders who can speak truth into my life in a constructive manner….
Gloria
21. Jan, 2010
Wow – This one hits CLOSE to home for me. Insecurity has been a bit of a struggle. While there has been a time (a long period of time) where it "subsided", it's slowly crept its way back in. Just when you think your done with learning a lesson……
Anyhoo, leading while dealing w/insecurity is tough; However, what has helped me (tremendously) is getting back to "basics" (the fact that His mercies and grace are anew EACH day, the fact that we can do absolutely NOTHING to "earn" it, and the HUGE fact that its SO NOT about ME) and refocusing my eyes on Him.