A few weeks ago as we entered the series “Shattered Dreams” at Cross Point Church I really felt like I had little to talk about in the way of shattered dreams.  I knew that for me the series would be more about helping other people and less about me…I am living my plan A.

We entered our first community group discussion on shattered dreams and as stories of death, addiction, anger & betrayal became front and center I still stood back.

Then one girl in the group challenged those of us who hadn’t shared any shattered dreams with the words “major disappointment.”  I stopped and thought, and actually yes I have had that happen. Though not as significant as the stories being tossed around, it does still affect my life.

I started to share with the group that while I was growing up, school was always such a challenge for me.  I was in a very academically elite school system and those around me were rewarded publically for high grades and those with low grades were pushed aside.  I was one of the ones pushed aside.  I had little to no confidence in anything I did because I knew I would always be average.

As I graduated and moved onto college I started to realize that though it was important for me to get a good education, academics were just one area of my life.  I started to thrive in college through leadership roles all over campus; new student orientation leader, committee chair, Resident Assistant, Secretary of my senior class and graduating with a Leadership emphasis. Through this, my confidence grew. I was ready to tackle the world at graduation day.

My first job post-college was exciting but I began to learn quickly how tough it would be to maintain this confidence in my career.  I found myself 3 months after graduation un-employed.  Unlike school growing up I did thrive at my job, I had a lot of confidence and knew I was doing my job well yet I was pushed aside.  My second job was a different atmosphere and different daily tasks yet it had ended much like the first one.

During that group meeting I started to realize how scared I was.  I was scared to have confidence in anything I did.  If I felt like every move I made was being evaluated, every closed door at my job or even with my group of friends was an emergency meeting talking about the terrible job I was doing.  I had no idea it was taking such control over my daily life.

Over the past few months I have started to work through my fears and go confidently forward in doing the job God has called me to and moving toward being the wife and friend he is teaching me to be.  I do have a shattered dream: it wasn’t a moment in time or singular event but a series of disappointments.

Have their been shattered dreams or disappointments that are hindering your leadership or the confidence you have in your daily life?