The Constructive Criticism Monster
*Post by Miranda Telford*
I do my best to AVOID constructive criticism. At first glance it has sharp teeth and seems ferocious!
But I need leaders in my life to give me feedback. In my role as a vocal leader at Cross Point I need to offer feedback to my team on a weekly basis.
Here are some things I try to remember when I receive and give constructive criticism.
*Be choosy about who you invite to speak into your life.
Ask yourself: Is there a relationship established? Do I trust this person? Do they trust me? What is the motive behind the feedback?
*LISTEN.
Yep, listen. Take in what you hear. Listen to what the other person has to say when you receive AND give feedback.
*Don’t get defensive!
This is what I struggle with the most. I want to prove the other person is wrong.
*Give it to God.
Pray over the feedback you receive and give. Ask for discernment. Don’t feel like you have to apply everything you hear.
Recently I invited one of my friends to give me constructive criticism on my worship leading. I was dreading the conversation. Some of the things she said were hard to hear and felt like a punch in the gut, BUT because I know her heart and trust her intention & leadership in my life, I was open to what she had to say. I tried to listen more than I talked. I fought the urge to get defensive. I prayed about the things she shared.
Next time you hear, “Can I offer you some constructive criticism?”
Don’t run!
Embrace it.
Love this! I love feed back! From someone that knows me. It makes me sick to my stomach at first but then I try to pray over it and learn from it!
Oh, girl! I so relate to the tendency to respond to feedback by becoming defensive. George Stull told our couples' group once that getting defensive indicates that we're unwilling to grow. I had never really thought about it that way, but it's so true of me. I would never intentionally say, "I don't want to grow." But if I'm not willing to receive feedback from trusted sources, then that's really where my heart is.
Thanks for sharing!
SOOOOO TRUE!! But I LOVE the way you said that BECAUSE you KNOW their heart/intentions, you KNEW you could trust them…. THATS the key right there! And btw, I LOVE to grow! YOU are an AMAZING woman Miranda!! MWAH! xoxoxoox
Miranda, this is so true. It is hard to hear constructive criticism, even when it is given with the best of intentions! Thank you for this reminder that we must be willing to hear it, but only from those whom we trust and respect.