*Post by Natalie Robertson*

Rest is defined as, Relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs.

When I read that definition it all made sense.  October was the 1st time in 2011 that I took the opportunity to vacation with my husband for a week and camp with my family and friends for a weekend.

A very interesting thing happened during both of these trips.  I got some great ministry ideas.  I did not dread going back to work, in fact I was really very excited. I have found it hard to even ask to take this time to rest, every time my boss says yes, but it’s still difficult for me.  I feel like I should work to death, not because someone else is asking me to but because I love my job so much.

What I have learned in the past month has taught me that taking good rest, away from my email and away from the little tasks I have to get done everyday has actually helped me to dream.  It has given me the freedom I needed to step away from the details and give me the ability to look at the future, to look at the big picture.  Just a few weeks ago I was asked about my goals for the next year of ministry.  I went to one of my bosses and said, I have no ideas and I need help.  I love my job of course but to be honest I just had no time to even think about the future.

As I read this definition of rest I discovered how and why rest is so important.  To dream for the future, to figure out what my goals are I need to be freed up from everything that troubles me.

Some of you are not able to work in your dream job every day like I am, so I understand that this may be difficult to imagine.  But think about what you may be able to dream up, a new career or a new goal, if you were only freed up from what troubles you.  Here are some great Messages from Pete Wilson on what it means to engage in rest.

Cross Point Church Shaped Series
http://bit.ly/rsdz1T
SHAPED: Beyond Surface Level
SHAPED: The Gift Of The Sabbath

Do you take time to rest?
When you do what do you dream up?
How can you be intentional about taking time to rest?

*Post by Shannon Miles*

I went through a major career change recently.  I left my stable job at a Fortune 14 company after 10 years of employment.  Throughout my career there, I felt God leading and directing my path.  The company allowed me to work part-time when I had my first child, while continuing to grow professionally.  It really was the perfect situation for a long time.

Then something changed.  Well, a lot of things changed.  The job responsibilities and demands grew to an unsustainable level.  I stopped enjoying the work I was doing.  I pursued other options at the same company, but…here’s the biggest change of all…my heart wasn’t in it.  I just could not see myself in any other position there because it became clear to me the Lord had something much bigger in mind for me.

It took me nearly a year to leave my job.  During this time, a phrase kept playing in my mind over and over again.  “Just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.”   I COULD have stayed in my job.   I COULD have found another position with my company.  I COULD have found a similar position with another company.  I would have been just fine.  But I SHOULD not have done any of those things.  It was not the plan the Lord had laid out for me.  I am so thankful that He made my heart restless enough to do what I SHOULD do, not just what I COULD do.

So, what did I do?  My husband and I quit our jobs at the same time and started a company…in a recession.  It has been the biggest step of faith I’ve ever taken, and one of the most rewarding decisions I’ve ever made.  God has blessed us beyond measure in our business and I have freedom that I did not anticipate.  I’m free professionally to lead my company.  I’m free personally to be with my kids.  I’m free spiritually to share my story of stepping out in faith as a testimony of His faithfulness.

I encourage you to search your heart and determine if there is anything you are doing just because you can.  Is God calling you to make a change and do what you SHOULD be doing, instead?

Please welcome Shannon to the Cultivate Her blog team! Shannon Miles is the Co-Founder and CEO of MAG, a church outsourcing firm.  She lives in Atlanta, GA with her husband Bryan and two children, Rainey and Harper.

*Post by Julie Pierce*

“What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows.”

I was in the car with some friends when we started talking about the effects our personalities, worldviews, and quirks would ultimately have on how our children will “turn out.” After joking about the counseling funds we should establish, the conversation turned serious when I shared about the kind of men I hope our boys become because I am their mom.

You see, I know I am not a perfect mom, but I am the perfect mom for the dynamic duo God has given me. Because they have me for a mom, I hope they become men who see examples of objectifying women with deep disappointment and concern for those objectified. I hope my years of influence will cause them to see it is not only quite normal, but necessary for women to lead in every arena and industry. I hope they become courageous men living boldly for Christ who have great respect for themselves and others, because I was their mom. I could go on and on.

This conversation got me thinking: if this is the effect I want my influence to have on my sons, what effect do I want to have on those I lead? What difference does my leadership really make?

I thought of Sarah, Brenda, Frank, Jodie, and Dennis and all the other team members I have led over the years. Would they say that because I was their leader, they were encouraged to lean into their strengths and develop their potential? Did I help them grow their skills in communication and conflict? Would they say we embraced change, celebrated successes and learned from our failures as a team? Ultimately, I hope they would say I encouraged them to be healthy in every area of their life and to find their source of strength in God, not their own gifts and abilities.

The reality is, I can’t say for sure that those I have led would say any of those things about my leadership, particularly in the early years. But because I know the impact I want my leadership to make, I can choose to live in a way that makes that much more likely. I can lead intentionally and truly make a difference in the lives of those I lead. And so can you.

What kind of influence do you want to have on those you lead?

What do you need to do today to make that kind of difference?

*Post by Krystin Behannon*

Hello, my name is Krystin and I do lunch for a living. Okay, not really. But, I do go out for lunch or dinner quite a bit. I love this “friend time” where I get to catch up with the people that I care most about. When you’re always on the go, it’s great to have friends who remind you that who you are, not what you do, is what’s most important.  When diving in to conversations lately, the topic of our fears has been coming up quite a bit. Actually, it’s been coming up everywhere.

For me, my deepest fear is that I’m not going to be _____________ enough. You can fill in that blank with whatever you like: pretty, smart, fast – or the worst – good.

As a middle child, if you don’t fight for your time in the spotlight, you won’t get it. As a grown up, this has morphed in to being a people pleaser. “No” is not in my vocabulary. Why? Because everyone loves a “yes man”…someone who will encourage, support, participate, etc, in whatever it is you put in front of them. What I’ve realized is even in my people pleasing nature, I don’t always want to encourage, support or participate. But, by saying yes, people will pick up the phone to call you. Yes means you’ll be a part of X, Y, or Z. Yes means I’m valued, I’m wanted, I’m enough.

One of my dearest friends has a rare gift for music. I’ve been around some crazy talented musicians here in Nashville…this is Music City, USA, afterall…but she is different. It is so apparent that music is her calling in life and it seems almost effortless for her. Back in November, she told me she wanted to move back home to Indiana. She was tired of feeling like her dreams didn’t matter and having to hear people tell her ‘no’ when she put her all in to her songwriting. I didn’t blame her, but I knew that wasn’t an option. It’s so upsetting to watch people you love sit on the sidelines of their own life because of one simple little question that leads us to the scariest of places: “What if?”

I came across this scripture a while back and it’s something that I find myself clinging to when the “what if’s” arise in my heart: “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24. If the God of the universe is delighted in every detail of my life, that is enough. I am enough.

That friend I told you about? She decided to stay in Nashville. Just yesterday, a song she wrote went #1 on iTunes and is steadily climbing the charts. When God gives you a dream, chase it with all you have. His plans for you are far bigger and better than you can imagine!

Please welcome Krystin to the Cultivate Her blog team! Krystin is the Office Manager/Assistant to Blake Bergstrom, Campus Pastor at Cross Point Nashville.

*Post by Natalie Robertson*

We consistently face opposition with those outside the church. That kind of opposition is worth all our energy and attention. But I want to talk about the opposition we face IN the church.  Working in the church I feel like I waste a lot of energy and time being anxious about this type of opposition.  But I know that we’re all sinful people and it will never cease to exist. It’s been a part of the Church since there was the Church.

Recently our church staff had the great opportunity to hear from David Landrith from Long Hallow Baptist.  Working for churches since the summer I graduated from college, over 6 years ago, I had never heard any ministry leader speak on this topic.  I had no idea how much I really needed to hear this message.

The concept of relying on God when facing the opposition (Nehemiah 4: 4-5) was not foreign to me, but I was convicted about it when David said,

“…Some people you are just wasting your time with, you can’t always talk it through with them, they are not going to move. But if you bring it to God 1st, He will be the one to move them.”

Wow. That quote in itself didn’t blow me away but what did was my own revelation.  It may be that my personality lends itself to “Winning Other Overs” as my Strengths Finder assessment says. It was a wake up call.  When I get a email or get into a conversation I always believe that I will be the one to talk them to my side.  That after they hear what I have to say they will just run over to my team, stand with me and help me defend.  I am convinced I can persuade them.

The reality is that I don’t often take that opposition to God first; I try to deal with it on my own.  I get frustrated when they can’t be convinced and then I may just give up on that person. If they need to be changed, God is going to be the one to change them. And we also have to be ok with the fact that they may not need to be changed. I may be the one who was wrong all along and need changing.

Taking my personal issues to God first is honestly a lot easier than taking ministry opposition to God first. I would love to see some discussion here on how you have faced oppositions by giving it to God 1st or by handling it on your own.

*Post by Miranda Telford*

I’ve got a confession.

I STINK at submitting myself to God at work.

When something goes wrong or changes, I just might say a dirty word . . . and yes, I work for a church.

We live in a culture taught to constantly strive to be the best, most efficient and effective at what WE do. Mistakes should be at a minimum. It is our responsibility to see that the work is done right.

And we try to do it all by ourselves.

Can you imagine the light of God we could shine if we took time to ask Him for guidance in our work settings?

Psalm 63:7-8 ⁷For You have been my help. And I sing for joy in the shadow of Your wings. ⁸ My soul holds on to You. Your right hand holds me up. (NLV)

What a truth to cling to, He is our help! We can call upon Him.

In Oswald Chamber’s entry, “The Worship of the Work” in My Utmost for His Highest, he poses a great challenge:

“There is no responsibility on you for the work; the only responsibility you have is to keep in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your co-operation with Him.

God engineers everything; wherever He puts us our one great aim is to pour out a whole-hearted devotion to Him in that particular work.”

Our work is just another aspect of our relationship with Him. Just because we sign into “Go” mode from 8-5, doesn’t mean He is absent.

Let’s begin to ask God for help, guidance, patience and self-control when we are frustrated or overwhelmed at work. I believe we can trust His path, do as Osawald says and pour out our whole-hearted devotion to HIM in that particular work.

*Post by Sharon Hodde Miller*

Yesterday I cried at the gym. It was embarrassing, it was awkward, and it was not for any reason that you could possibly guess.

It all started when I flipped on a television so that I could watch something while I worked out. I surfed through the channels and there wasn’t much on, but I eventually settled on “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.” That was my critical error.

As soon as I saw Aslan making his deal with the White Witch, I should have changed the channel. Every time I had watched this movie in the past, I had sobbed from that point in the story until Aslan comes to life again. Consistent with my previous track record, that’s exactly what I did in the gym. I don’t know why I couldn’t hold it together, but I literally stood there in the gym and cried while doing leg lifts and arm curls. It was weird.

Now I share all of this because, in the midst of my quivering bottom lip and blood shot eyes, I had a wonderful realization. As I watched the movie unfold, I saw Susan and Lucy accompany Aslan to his death. I noticed that they hid nearby during his execution. I also observed that, after his death, they stayed with his body. They were there when he died, and they were the first to learn of his resurrection. In short, they did exactly the same thing as Mary and Mary Magdalene.

I don’t know why I had never noticed this Biblical parallel before, but it’s a close reflection of the real events. While most of the male disciples were hiding, Mary and Mary Magdalene stayed with Jesus throughout his crucifixion. And as the male disciples continued to lie low in fear, the women courageously journeyed to Jesus’ tomb to anoint his body. Like Susan and Lucy, Mary and Mary Magdalene were the first to learn of Christ’s resurrection, and they were the first to be sent out with the good news. They were the first evangelists.

As someone with a heart for women’s ministry, this is a powerful visual. It is, I believe, a vision of what women’s ministry should be. Ultimately, women’s ministry is not about social events or even teaching events, though each has a good and welcome function in the church. Ultimately, women’s ministry is about women actively pursuing and serving Christ, together. The women of the gospels (among whom Mary and Mary Magdalene were only a part) came together, both physically and spiritually, the nearer they were to Jesus. Together, they followed Jesus through the peaks and the valleys of life, and they surely encouraged one another to persevere after his death.

Because of their devotion to Jesus and their unity with one another, they had the courage to venture out when none of the other disciples did, and they were consequently blessed with the task of sharing the Good News of the resurrection for the very first time.  This group of women had an unparalleled intimacy with Christ, resulting in a monumental role in God’s Kingdom.

I love those women. We may not hear as much about them because they were often behind the scenes, but what a legacy they leave for us! They leave a legacy of diligent allegiance to Christ, bravery in the face of persecution, and a mission to proclaim the gospel. They make me so proud to be a woman in Christ’s church, and I hope we will cultivate women’s ministries whose vision is to take up their cause. It is a grand one.

*Post by Julie Pierce*

Do you feel like you meet yourself coming and going? Is your month packed with weeknight obligations and overstuffed weekends that leave you exhausted instead of fulfilled? Ever feel so busy pouring into others that you don’t have time to recover, much less replenish or develop yourself?

My sinful pride has always been fed on my aspirations to do a little more, a little better, than others around me. You’ve got a challenge? I’ll take it on. A new initiative needs leadership? Bring it. My performance-driven desire for approval always told me if I worked harder, faster, and smarter, then I would be successful. (These are obviously part of the “dark side” of my leadership. Not pretty.)

After living this way for a long time, a little over a year ago I hit a wall. A wall that felt as thick and strong as the brick walls of my home. And instead of bouncing back, or looking for a way to climb it or go around it, I crumbled. I had experienced the two most demanding years of my professional life. I had pushed through, pressed on, given it more of me until there literally wasn’t anything left. The relentless pace and lack of margin had left me dry: relationally, spiritually, and emotionally. My leadership was less at a time when I felt I was giving it more.

The remedy for this kind of exhaustion and depletion is not escaping to a beach somewhere for a week. (Although it doesn’t hurt!) I often look to a quick fix like taking a day off or squeezing in a massage to give me a little boost so I can jump back in and keep running. But this is short-term thinking. Unhealthy pace can only be resolved through on-going, life-giving rhythms of work and rest. And one of the simplest and yet most difficult rhythms to implement is Sabbath.

Here are three things you can do NOW to embrace Sabbath:
Reserve: Set aside a weekly, 24 hour period, where you are not laboring and adding to creation, but delighting in your Creator. (It doesn’t have to be Sunday by the way.) While you are at your calendar, consider blocking out a day or weekend every few months for an additional season of Sabbath.
Reflect: In what environments and through what spiritual practices have you most often experienced God’s closeness? What activities bring you great joy? Reintroduce one of those environments or activities into your Sabbath this week.
Read: Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner and Sabbath by Dan Allender deeply affected by outlook on what Sabbath could look like. Read another’s experience with this rhythm and see what it sparks in you.

I don’t just want us to slow down or avoid burnout. My true desire for you and me is that we would abandon the unhealthy pace and lean into God’s life-giving way of life and leadership.

*Post by Evie Nicole*

Taking a step in someone else’s healing process will always result in a step towards your own.

When I was in second grade my teacher called my mom and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever had a student give me the cold shoulder. What’s up with your daughter?”

When I was in high school it was brought to my attention by friends that every time they talked to me I was constantly looking around, distracted, and seemingly only half listening, half caring.

Growing up I was forced to work at my dad’s restaurant from a young age. He fired me every other week for being rude and inconsiderate to the customers.

In college, girls told me that before they got to know me they thought I was totally stuck up and full of myself.

When the guy who would become my first serious boyfriend was first “inquiring” about me, he was told, “Don’t even try, she’s got an attitude, her guard is up, she’ll tear you to shreds.”

After hearing this sort of thing enough, I decided to get to the root of the issue.  I no longer wanted to be known as the girl with the attitude who didn’t need anyone or care about anyone. Because the truth was, that wasn’t true.

The process took years, but once God started softening my heart towards people, and women in particular, I started making some intentional changes that would eventually become a part of my own healing process.

1)  Seek to make people feel heard and seen. At the end of the day, we all want to be respected and understood. Hold eye contact. Listen intently. Pray the name of Jesus in your mind to keep him involved in every conversation.

2)  Intentionally reach out to women. Take an interest in who they are beneath the surface.

When I moved to Nashville almost 10 years ago knowing no one, I realized if I wanted to make any girlfriends I was going to have to be kind, honest and real. (New concept)  A lot of us girls can seem guarded and jealous and it can mask who we truly are on the inside. I wanted to make women feel the way I never felt.  And every time I did, not only did I make some great friends, I also felt a little more whole and beautiful myself.

Most, if not all women are insecure about something. Their appearance, their history, their heart, etc. “We all need healing,” as my boss likes to say.

When we, as women, go out of our way to make another woman feel beautiful, loved and respected, the world becomes a more precious place, it really does.  Even women you think are so stinkin gorgeous and confident they can’t possibly need a conversation initiated, or a genuine compliment, I’ve seen these women time and time again break down over how much they can’t bear to look at themselves in the mirror or how they wish they had closer female friendships.

I would just like to say to any chick reading this.

“You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important.”  

*Post by Sharon Hodde Miller*

Did you know that Peter was married?

I’m sure I learned this fun fact at some point in the past, but I had forgotten about it until my pastor mentioned it in a sermon. Peter’s wife doesn’t enjoy much attention because she doesn’t appear directly in Scripture. In fact, the only biblical reference to Peter’s marital status comes from Matthew 8:14–

When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever.

Jesus healed Peter’s mother-in-law, by the way, and it is probably because of miracles like this one that Peter’s wife became quite the committed disciple herself. We know this from an account written by Eusebius, a Roman historian born in the late 4th century who documented the growth of the early church.

According to Eusebius, Peter’s wife was martyred the same day that Peter was famously crucified upside down. In fact, Peter’s wife was executed first. What follows is the account of that day:

“They say, accordingly, that when the blessed Peter saw his own wife led out to die, he rejoiced because of her summons and her return home, and called to her very encouragingly and comfortingly, addressing her by name, and saying, ‘Oh thou, remember the Lord.’ Such was the marriage of the blessed, and their perfect disposition toward those dearest to them.”

Simply breath-taking.

As stunning as this story is, Peter’s wife was not the only woman to die a violent death for her faith. Several years ago I wrote about the story of Perpetua, a young Christian woman in the early church who refused to recant her faith, despite the pleas of her family. She then gave birth in prison before walking proudly to a gruesome end.

The women of the early church were lionesses. I have no doubt they were afraid, but they were able to face death with such courage and resolve because their eyes were fixed on their Father above, not the challenge before them.

That is an example I find both terribly inspiring as well as humbling. I am humbled into questioning my own commitment to Christ were I to be so tested. Yet I am also humbled by the comparatively low expectations we hold for women today. Perpetua and Peter’s wife appear so firm and unflinching, whereas Christian women in America appear so fragile. Much of women’s ministry is devoted to lifting women out of suffering, whereas Perpetua and Peter’s wife walked straight into it.

Granted, there are different types of suffering and God does not call us to pain for pain’s sake. Scripture contains both words of comfort and calls to take up one’s cross and die. While suffering is a guarantee, there are certainly times when healing and protection are powerful marks of the Kingdom of God in our lives.

But perhaps we have wandered off the path that leads a recovered soldier back into battle. This wouldn’t be surprising given the degree to which women are treated like porcelain dolls, damsels in distress to be rescued by their princes. Husbands are protectors and women are, too often, the wounded in need of saving.

Where, in all of this, is the kind of marriage we see between Peter and his wife? What does it mean for a husband to send his wife valiantly to execution while declaring, “Remember the Lord!” Protector, he was not. Proud co-laborer for Christ, he was.

Consider also the example of Perpetua, a mother who would rather die than recant her faith and protect her child. Do we even have language for that understanding of motherhood and family?

The stories of women like Perpetua and Peter’s wife challenge us to question how much of our beliefs and practices are actually Biblical, or merely a reinforcing of our own romantic ideals. Are we using God to deliver us from suffering and give us the life we want, or are we depending on God to run the race hard and fight the good fight? At the heart of all these questions lies a core question about priorities: What is your life ultimately about? You serving God, or God serving you?

When I read about Perpetua and Peter’s wife, I become convinced that we expect too little of Christian women today. Women are stronger than we give them credit for, and I make that statement not on the basis of natural human power but on the God we serve. Women belong to a God who possesses an infinite supply of courage and might, and on that basis we are a force to be reckoned with. I think it’s time to raise the bar.