Cultivate Her

*Post by Julie Pierce*

Several years ago, a woman we’ll call Rita came to me carrying a big bag of offenses for her friend, Sherry. Sherry was extremely angry with me, deeply disappointed by my leadership, and quite confident I was a liar. As I sat across from Rita, she demanded I explain myself. She recounted, incorrectly, the conversations I had with Sherry and wanted to know why I said those things and how I could hurt someone like that. Ouch.

I listened. I tried to pray for compassion. I sorted through the fact and fiction of what she was saying. When it finally came time for me to respond, I realized I didn’t have a whole lot to say.

I shared with her how I was truly sorry Sherry was hurting. I went on to say I would not be sharing details of my previous conversations with Sherry as they were private – and it would not be honoring of Sherry, or appropriate for me to share them, even if I felt like it would correct or complete the one-sided story she had heard. And then I told Rita I was doing my absolute best, with God’s help, to lead and love others in the middle of some very difficult circumstances. And that was all I said.

This was not the first or last time I have had this kind of conversation and had to choose with all my will to be silent; to choose not to go toe-to-toe with someone, or their friend, who is misrepresenting me or the situation. Silence is both a refining spiritual discipline and a defining leadership discipline. As a spiritual discipline, silence allows us to clear out the clutter our never-ending supply of words brings to our daily lives. As a leadership discipline, silence sets us apart from the chaos of conflicting reports of “he-said, she-said” when emotions run high.

When preparing to respond to someone, THINK through the following questions before speaking:
T: Is it true?
H: Is it honoring to the other person?
I: Is it inspiring?
N: Is it necessary?
K: Is it kind?
If your answer is “no” to any of these questions, silence might be your best response.

Now, I am not saying that you should never defend yourself. I believe healthy confrontation and a biblical approach to conflict resolution are an essential part of great leadership. However, sometimes in the name of “setting the record straight” we are actually just trying to win people to our side of the conflict- to get our friends or followers to forge an alliance and take up our offenses instead.

Sometimes the most appropriate and loving response in a difficult situation is the most disciplined as well: silence.

*Post by Shannon Miles*

I first heard about Street GRACE when Christine Caine spoke at Catalyst in 2010.  With all of the amazing messages at the conference, Christine’s stood out to me the most.  She spoke about the epidemic of human trafficking, wherein 27 million people are enslaved around the world.  The phrase that rocked me the most was, “Church, we let this happen on our watch.”  She transitioned this global problem to a local problem when she introduced Street GRACE and this powerful video.

Street GRACE is an alliance of Christian churches, community partners and volunteers that supports and collaborates with individuals and organizations dedicated to eradicating the commercial sexual exploitation of children (CSEC).  In my home state of Georgia, 500 children are victimized each month.  Street GRACE is on a mission to see this number reduced to ZERO.

After Catalyst, I went home, raised my kids, started my business, attended my church and went on about my life.  But that phrase continued to rock me.  “Church, we let this happen on our watch.”  I could never shake the reality that now I knew too much and could not turn a blind eye.  I knew about the epidemic and, as part of the Body of Christ, it was my responsibility to protect those innocent girls.  I have a 6 year old girl and girls not much older than her are being victimized in my ‘back yard’.  It was time to stop only praying about it.  It was time to get involved.

Last week I attended the 4th annual Lobby Day to raise awareness of this issue with the Georgia legislators.   It was a powerful rally where volunteers gave of their time and talents to advocate for reform that will protect children and prosecute those who violate them.  Many city and state officials spoke at the rally and it made me realize I was joining a movement.  There are many people who have made stopping CSEC their life’s work and I’m privileged to be a part.

The day after Lobby Day, I received an email from my friend who is a lieutenant for a local police force.  He received a notice from the GBI for an upcoming training session to teach the front line officers how to recognize and recover child sex trafficking victims.  For me, this training represented the transition of a big, overwhelming concept from Catalyst in 2010 to the practical steps needed to rescue a child.  I am so proud to see the impact we can have when we come together for a common cause.

What are you advocating for?

Here’s a better question…what should you be advocating for that you just have not done anything about, yet? 

What’s holding you back?

*Post By Julie Pierce*

I have a confession to make: I am a faithful Grey’s Anatomy fan. Even though it’s gotten more and more ridiculous each season, it’s like a car accident – I just can’t look away. Every week, Meredith and her community of surgical mavens make me cry, cringe, and realize my life is pretty relaxing. One episode recently even inspired deep thoughts about leadership…

Cristina (the driven, cardio surgical resident) was approached by her mentor (Teddy) who basically said she had nothing left to teach her – Cristina was that good. So, Teddy asked Cristina to put together a list of her dream surgeries – nothing was off limits – and said she would do her best to see that she got to perform as many of those surgeries as possible.

It made me think, what would I say if my boss or mentor made me the same offer? What experiences would I love to have as a leader? What if my mentor could make a call, a decision, an introduction, or a contribution that could pave the way for a once-in-a-lifetime experience? What would I choose, and why?

What would make the cut for your leadership bucket list? Having a coffee interview with a leader you admire? Proposing your book idea to your all-time favorite author? Do you want to lead the creative sessions with the CEO, or start a non-profit, or get a behind-the-scenes look at the work of your favorite organization in a remote region of the world?

And what does the list look like for those you lead? What if YOU could make someone else’s dream experience a reality?

I’m still working on my list. So far, I’ve got: speak at a TED conference, eat pie with Oprah (why not?), publish a collaborative book on leadership for women, and create an international coaching partnership for young women leaders.

What would your leadership bucket list look like?

*Post by Sharon Hodde Miller*

As some of you might know, I am currently a student pursing a PhD in educational studies. I have a great passion for women in our churches and I hope my research will one day serve them, so I love to share what I’m learning from time to time. Especially when I think it can help church leaders.

In recent months I have studied a phenomenon called stereotype threat. This term refers to the pressure individuals feel in the classroom or workplace due to perceived stereotypes about themselves. For instance, women are sometimes stereotyped as being less capable at math, which can influence the way young girls perform in their math classes. If they believe they are worse at math, they are likely to perform worse regardless of natural ability.

Numerous studies have shown that the simple presence of a stereotype can inhibit academic performance, but it creates an additional obstacle. If a student or employee anticipates being stereotyped, some will actively try to undermine the stereotype. For example, a businesswoman may fear being perceived as overly emotional by her male colleagues, so she intentionally minimizes her emotions and conducts herself stoically. Unfortunately, the cognitive energy she puts into combating the stereotype also inhibits her performance. Likewise, students who find themselves resisting a stereotype in a classroom setting are less able to learn and engage the subject matter.

It is remarkable and troubling that a stereotype can be so powerful. Fortunately, researchers have also looked into the best methods for breaking the power of stereotype threat, and they have discovered two primary options:

1. An authority figure publicly debunks the stereotype. In a study at Stanford University, a group of men and women were administered a math test and their performances were recorded (Spencer and Steele, 1999). Then, the same math test was administered to a different group of men and women, but with one small change. This time, before the students began, the test administrator told the group that there was no previous gender discrepancy in performance on this test.  This simple statement debunking the stereotype about women and math made all the difference. The women in the second group tested better.

2. In-group role models. It is also helpful for victims of stereotype threat to see individuals from their own group (ie. women or minorities) functioning competently outside the stereotype (McIntyre, Paulson, Taylor, Morin and Lord, 2011). Having a talented female math teacher, for instance, can help dispel the myth that women are not good at math.

This research is fascinating, and it has led me to wonder about its application to women in the church. There are many stereotypes out there about women that are both sociological and psychological, so the cycle can be tough to break. If women believe they are not capable of thinking theologically, or leading and teaching in the church effectively, then that stereotype perpetuates an unfortunate cycle in which women are hesitant to even try.

That said, there are two applications that evangelicals can take from the above research. The first applies to men. In the same way that authority figures have the power to break stereotypes with a simple word, men in the evangelical church have that power as well. That is not to say that women should not also speak out against unbiblical stereotypes, but research seems to indicate that the power group–the group that is stereotyped as being naturally gifted or authoritative in a certain area–has particular influence in this regard. If men were to tell their wives, daughters, mothers, and sisters that women can think theologically, that women should be important voices in the church, and that the church needs the contributions of these women, that message would have a tremendous, positive impact.

I should add that this influence is evident in my own life. I have a strong and brilliant dad who has always been unconditionally supportive. Although both my parents believe in me (sometimes more than they should!) my dad would seriously fight anyone who tried to stand in my way. I am no doubt the woman I am today because my dad wanted a strong daughter.

In short, men, we need you! Challenge your wives and raise strong daughters!

The second application from the above research concerns us ladies. If we want to see younger generations of women pushing themselves and using their gifts for the Kingdom of God, then we need to be doing that ourselves. Change can be slow and discouraging at times, but the more women who are out there studying, growing and leading, the more we can expect younger women to follow our example. Change begins with us.

*Post by Shannon Miles*
I was watching NBC Nightly News a couple of months ago and Anne Thompson did a segment on women-owned businesses. Helping Women Soar in Tough Economy

As a woman who owns a business, I was naturally intrigued.  She featured a not-for-profit that provides programs, resources and networking opportunities to women wanting to advance their businesses – Count Me In: http://www.makemineamillion.org/.

I was astounded by one of Anne’s quotes.  “There are 10.5 Million women-owned businesses in America and less than 2% of them bring in more than a Million dollars.  The problem isn’t a glass ceiling.”  How could that be?  I don’t know the stats on male-owned business, but 2% just seems really low to me.  The segment goes on to explain…
Women are not being held back by glass ceilings as much as glass walls.  Whereas glass ceilings are formed by others, we form glass walls ourselves by:

We are expected to be Super Woman having to juggle home, work, church, marriage, kids, friends, hobbies, exercise…not necessarily in that order.  I wonder, though, who is setting these expectations for us?  Is it other people?  Or are we boxing ourselves in by assuming this unreasonable role.  No one ever says to me, “You aren’t productive enough.”  But I feel that way often.

A turning point for me in my business was when I hired an assistant last year.  Misti has been a life saver and has been the #1 reason I’ve been able to grow as a leader at MAG.  I’d love to say it was my idea to hire her, but actually, it was my husband’s.  He recognized my desire to do everything myself before I did.  Score a point for Bryan.

Through the process of on-boarding Misti, I realized there is some guilt associated with delegating and thinking big.  Once I got over that, I also realized Misti genuinely wanted to help me and had my best interest in mind.  She ran with everything I gave her, which freed me up to focus on more strategic initiatives.  This allowed me to network more and determine the right ways to grow MAG.

Then one day, it hit me…it was not only a good idea to ask for help and dream big, but it was wrong not to.  As a leader, the people we lead NEED us to take this approach.  If we don’t, we are going to limit ourselves, our company and burnout, leaving them ultimately out of a job.

So let me boldly encourage you all – DON’T BOX YOURSELF IN WITH GLASS WALLS! 

Give yourself permission to think big about your business, strategically network with others and delegate so you don’t lose focus.  Stop limiting yourself and allow God to expand your realm on influence to further His Kingdom!

*Post by Julie Pierce*

This time of year seems to bring a lot of “tradition talk”: what Christmas traditions do you enjoy? What new traditions do we want to try this year in hopes that it “sticks” and becomes the Hallmark moment we dreamed of? How do I kill off a tradition that my mother/friend/sister loves because it makes me absolutely crazy and sucks all the joy out of the season? (Surely I’m not the only person who asks that one?)

I absolutely love intentional, life-giving traditions. They bring a little predictable rhythm to my often un-predictable life. The traditions I look forward to most have deepened my relationships, made me laugh, and changed my perspective.

Over the years I have found that traditions aren’t just for family at the holidays; they can bring great depth and meaning to my leadership, as well.  The following are 3 leadership traditions you can try for yourself:

1) Great Book Give-Away: Make a list of your top 5 reads of the year and why you chose them. Buy copies of your #1 book. Include your list, your favorite book, and a note and send/give to leaders who are just a few steps behind you in life.

2) Looking Back/Looking Forward: Set aside a few hours for personal reflection. Use the time to answer questions about the past year in leadership and consider the year to come. Questions like: Did I meet my goals for the year? Are there any decisions I now regret? How do I want to lead differently in the year to come? Journal your answers so you can review them year after year. For more reflection questions, check out my blog post.

3) Choose a challenge: Decide on one new challenge you will take on in the coming year. Your selection could be getting an article published, running a half marathon, learning a new language.  Whatever you choose, your challenge should be something you find enjoyable that will stretch you.

What leadership traditions would you add to the list?

*Post by Shannon Miles*

A few years ago, when my daughter was 3 years old, I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping at the outlet mall.  The stroller was weighed down with bags, it was starting to get dark and she was so over the shopping trip.  It was cold in Georgia, so I put her boots on her, which were…in hindsight…more cute than practical.  She took her boots and socks of at least 8 times.  Each time I would put them back on, a little more impatiently than the time before.  Finally, I’d had it.  I had 1 more store to go it, so I gave up and let her go barefoot.

No sooner had my 3 year old defeated me, a group of women walked by us and looked at my daughter’s bare feet in December, then looked at me in judgment.  It’s amazing how with just one look, someone can communicate so much.  Instead of feeling offended or guilty, I simply laughed.  Two thoughts rushed through my head:  (1) they have no idea how many times I’ve put this child’s boots on in the last 30 minutes and (2) I was just like them before I had kids.

Matthew 7:1-2 says “1Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

I knew everything about having children…before I actually had them.  Nothing humbled me more in this life than becoming a mom.  Whether you’re a mom or not, there may be areas of your life where it’s easy for you to judge others.  Maybe you judge your girlfriends or your husband by just taking a snapshot in time and surrounding it with assumptions.  Maybe you judge your employees before gathering all the facts.

Being a leader requires us to act in truth and grace.   I encourage you to surrender your heart to God so that He may give you wisdom to make tough calls without making snap judgments.

*Post by Sharon Hodde Miller*

The Christmas season means different things for different people. For some it is joyous, for some it’s insanely busy, and for others it is bitter. And then there are those of us who resonate with all three. Christmas brings the excitement of seeing loved ones, the busyness of parties and preparations, and the ache of loved ones lost.

It is remarkable that one season can usher in such an array of emotions and memories, but there is no better season than Advent to guide us through the jumble of nostalgia, cheer, and grief.

If you find yourself in that jumbled place this Advent, remember that another woman experienced the same tension long before you. For nine months, she existed in a place marked by both hope and fear, darkness and light. Her name was Mary.

In Luke 1:46-55 we read Mary’s response to the news of her coming Messiah son. This passage is often referred to as “Mary’s Song” or the “Magnificat,” and it is a beautiful example of obedience and faith in the midst of uncertainty and instability.

Most Bible commentaries pause at this passage to exalt Mary for her faith. After all, this young teenager was pregnant out of wedlock and could very easily be cast out of the community. She could be rejected by Joseph and live the rest of her days in poverty. And yet her response was so majestic and brave! Surely this is a woman to emulate, the commentators conclude.

I have a slightly different perspective. Over the top commendations of Mary fail, in my opinion, to capture her humanity. Even Jesus felt fear in Gethsemane. Was Mary really impervious to the doubts that most of us would have experienced in her situation?

I don’t think so. And here’s why:

It’s important to know that Mary’s words were not original to her. Instead she is echoing a passage found in 1 Samuel 2, also known as Hannah’s Song. Though the passages are not identical, it is obvious that Mary was intimately familiar with Hannah’s Song and called it to memory in Luke.

The reason this is significant is that Mary’s Song was not necessarily an overflow of her heart. She may not have felt the gratitude and ecstasy that the passage implies. As a good Jewish girl, she very likely grew up learning and memorizing these verses. They were written on her heart and she could easily call them to mind. In the same way that people reflexively recite the Lord’s Prayer or Psalm 23 in the midst trauma, Mary may have summoned those words in desperation. She recited what she knew to be true about God, even if she didn’t feel it.

Of course this is speculation on my part. But no matter her reasons for proclaiming those verses, Mary was engaging in an act of discipline. She was actively conforming her heart to her mind. She knew God had been faithful in the past and would continue to be so in the future, even if it took her heart awhile to catch up with that knowledge. Until then, she preached the truths of Scripture to herself. They comforted her at a time when her entire future was totally unknown.

That is a Mary who is human. She also provides an example we can easily live out. Mary’s faithfulness is not displayed by her blind joy but by her discipline and perseverance in the face of fear and doubt. Tim Keller once described this very type of Scriptural meditation as follows:

“Meditation is an inward dialogue with oneself…It means taking your heart in hand, reasoning with it and exhorting it until it becomes engaged in blessing and rejoicing in God. We are not helpless before our emotions, sometimes almost pummeling them into submission.”

The Christmas story is one of hope, yes, but it’s also a story of disciplined waiting. Mary was given a promise, but the fulfillment of that promise was yet to come. Likewise, many of us find ourselves in that place of already and not yet. God has promised us hope and salvation, but we still live in a world of brokenness, pain and frustration.

As we dwell in this place of waiting, we can respond as Mary did by meditating on the truths of God that we have in Scripture. The same God who delivered the Israelites and the same God who comforted Mary will do the same for us today. We need only remember.

*Post by Hilary Barnett*

Teachable moments- they happen every day, but do we truly recognize them, and leverage them for the greatest amount of growth? One definition for a teachable moment is “an experience that provides a context for an individual to receive powerful, transformative content.”

We have all had them at one time or another- sometimes they are inspiring and encouraging, other times embarrassing, depending on the context. I remember at work one evening, while helping to coordinate the winter shelter program for men and women who are homeless, I experienced one myself. A man approached me who wanted to discuss his shelter for the evening, but it was clear that he had been drinking. After what seemed like an eternity of trying to reason with him, my coworker came up and advised me to escort him to the Guest House, where he could receive a hot meal and shelter for the night, without having to go out to a congregation and most likely cause a disturbance.

I learned in that moment that you simply cannot reason with someone who is intoxicated. Ever. But had I never experienced that, and had my coworker not explained it to me after the fact, I would have continued in my frustration throughout the evening, feeling as though I couldn’t help the man with his most basic human need on such a frigid night.

It is in these moments that we learn, whether it is something basic, or something revolutionary that can change our lives. Jesus utilized this model often with his disciples. We tend to always picture Jesus simply “telling” or “preaching”, but if we look more closely, we see that He was very sensitive to the teachable moments that His disciples were experiencing, and He utilized every encounter to create a context for growth.

For example, in Luke 7:36-50, Jesus reveals the importance of forgiveness and it’s relationship to love by asking Simon one powerful question: “A creditor has two debtors. One owed 500 denarii, and the other 50.  Since they could not pay it back, he graciously forgave them both.  So, which of them will love him more?”

He asked Simon. He gave Simon the chance to come to his own understanding before explaining the reason. He provided a teachable moment without immediately “telling”.

How can we, as leaders, embrace the teachable moments that we experience, and allow those whom we lead to experience them well? We must always remember the importance of listening, and asking powerful questions. But most of all, we need to remember that experience alone does nothing, (haven’t we all “gone around a mountain” more than once?) but experience with feedback and reflection, in the context of relationship, can move someone forward into true, sustainable transformation.

*Post by Julie Pierce*

It’s the time of year when facebook is buzzing with expressions of thanks and gratitude journals are flying off the shelves. I love this season because I enjoy another excuse for counting my blessings and sending thank you notes.

But I’ve noticed lately that my blessings list has been pretty one-sided. Not once did I count as a blessing anything I experienced in leadership that was difficult, ugly, or just plain hard. I rarely notice the gifts and joy found in the moments that are far from fun. And yet, these moments are the very ones God has used to refine me and shape me into the woman He wants me to be.

So, I’d like to share with you a bit from my revised blessings list. I’m calling it “the tough stuff in leadership”:

I’m grateful for the gift of carrying one another’s burdens. What an honor and privilege to be the one to listen, care, and pray with someone in their most difficult hour.
I’m grateful for my experiences where I’ve been criticized as a leader, woman, and mom. These reminded me my identity and worth cannot be found in a job, a role, or in the eyes of others, but in Christ alone.
I’m grateful for the projects and decisions that failed miserably. I didn’t just learn from my mistakes, but also realized I couldn’t believe my own press. I had to start extending grace: not just to others, but to myself as well.
I’m grateful for the awareness of devastating issues facing women around the world. Because I know, even just a little, I must choose to live and lead differently.
I’m grateful for the dark nights of my soul. They forced me to stop leading out of my own strength and re-connect with my Creator.

This list is quite different from my first one. It’s really easy for me to thank God for the successes or fun surprises, but being grateful for the tough stuff of leadership takes a little more time, a little more thought. I challenge you to take on this exercise of appreciation and see what pops up on your list of tough stuff – you’ll be glad you did.