Cultivate Her

*Post by Susie Aboulhosn*

It’s hard for me to believe that the summer is over, but here we are at end of August. School has started for many and vacations are over. It’s time to buckle back down for football, community groups, and cool crisp mornings and evenings. I have to admit that I am ready to settle back into a routine. It also doesn’t hurt that fall is my favorite time of the year.

This summer has been one of many changes and firsts for me. The biggest one for me has been my move in with my sister and her family. I went from living on my own to having 5 roommates with the three of them being under the age of 3. Overall, it has been great. I have say that I love coming home to more than 4 walls. I also enjoy being greeted at the door by two munchkins who are excited that Auntie Susie is home—it has made many of my evenings. The biggest challenge for me is learning how to balance my life between who I am and what role I play in this new family dynamic. Don’t get me wrong. I would give anything and do anything for my sister and her family. It’s easy for me to bypass hanging out with friends to hang out with my niece and nephew. It’s easy for me to give up my routine if it is allows my sister a well-deserved break. But in the same breath I have to remember that God gave me a life to live. And yes, this may be part of it for this season. I question how long this season is, when does it end, and what the next season looks like…all questions that I don’t have the answer for at this moment but I continue to learn that I have to just trust in Him.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (NASB)

So l would love to hear how your summer has been? What has He been working on you over the past few months? What do you need to TRUST in Him for as we go into the fall?

PS. One of my other firsts for this summer was taking a plunge out of a perfectly good plane. That’s a topic for a completely different post.

*Post by Julie Pierce*

In my life and in my leadership, I am always on the go. I think quickly, make decisions swiftly, and move constantly. Even before a project is over, I find myself asking, “what’s next?”

Just as there are several perks to this pace, there are downsides as well. One downside is that I often don’t take the time to really mourn or celebrate. In the past I have moved from one thing to the next so fluidly that when I did finally slow down and pause, my emotions were racing to catch up with me. I found myself asking, “what just happened and why do I feel like this?”

Sometimes we need to celebrate “the end of an era” or bring closure to a significant season or project. Sometimes we need to pause and mourn a loss or shift in relationships due to change. Sometimes we simply need to make note of God’s faithfulness. And all the time, we need to put into place practices that help us remember and share the story again – with ourselves, or those we love.

This could look a variety of ways: maybe you have a special journal for recording significant milestones. If you love music, you could make a playlist of songs that bring to mind the different passages on your journey. Our small group has put into place traditions of reflective questions as a community every New Year. Another idea is to keep a box of notes or memorable treasures. You could also host a special meal to celebrate or bring closure to a season. Whatever it is, it should be easy and yet meaningful to you.

My dear friend Micha helped me with this when a few years ago, she bought me a beautiful charm bracelet and a couple of charms for Christmas.  Since then, every Christmas and birthday Micha has gifted me with a new charm – but not just any charm – a charm that marks and celebrates something significant she has seen in my life. There is a surf board charm to remind me of what God did in our marriages and in our friendship when we tried our hand at surfing in Hawaii and when we had a “come to Jesus” conversation in the middle of the Honolulu airport. This Christmas she gave me a paw print charm that reminds me that “the dog days are over” and I am choosing to live in a new way. And for my birthday this month, she and my husband gave me airplane and butterfly charms to mark my having the courage to take flight and launch something new.  I intentionally wear this bracelet when I need to be reminded of what God has done and what He is going to do.

Take time today to pause and reflect, to mourn and celebrate. Your leadership will have new depth, health and intentionality because of it.

*Post by Sharon Hodde Miller*

This week I attended Willow Creek’s annual Global Leadership Summit, and I was nearly undone by the experience. Every speaker was incredible in his or her own right, but there was one that stood out to me. Her very presence had such a profound impact on me that I doubt I will ever forget it.

Her name is Maggie Gobran or “Mama Maggie,” and she serves with the poor in Egypt. Born into a family of relative privilege, Mama Maggie spent her early years living the life of a normal Egyptian girl. As she got older she taught at one of the top schools in the country, and spent her money on clothes, jewelry, and comfort.

Then one day she discerned a different call. Following the example of her aunt and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, she decided to sell her belongings and devote her life to the poor. She has spent the last 20 years devoted to this end, and has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize three times.

Throughout the Summit I heard incredible advice from some of the top leaders in the country, both inside and outside the church. Every session was packed with wisdom and insight. What distinguished Mama Maggie from the group, however, was her mere presence. This tiny, wisp of a woman was the only speaker who shook the room by simply stepping onto stage. As we applauded her, she wept in humility, and I couldn’t help but weep also.

Mama Maggie shared numerous profound and important truths, but what impacted me the most was the power of her incarnational leadership. She is one of those rare individuals who is so intimately connected to God that you can literally feel it. She spoke with power and authority, not because she was an excellent communicator, but because her life and ministry gave weight to her words. Her person was her message.

As a writer, teacher and leader, Mama Maggie’s example was a wake-up call. It challenged me to consider the source of my authority, and whether I preach the gospel in a manner similar to Christ. It is easy to assume that my education or my talent is the source of my authority, but Mama Maggie reminded me of a different approach to leadership—Christ’s.

Although Jesus certainly preached boldly, his words were grounded in the context of his life. He was the one who “did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped” (Phil. 2:6) but instead lowered himself to come and be among us. He touched the untouchable and welcomed the outcasts. His hospitality, his advocacy for the poor, and his miraculous healings all communicated his purpose on earth before he ever opened his lips.

The Incarnation of Christ reminds us that presence matters. How we live our lives when we aren’t teaching or giving counsel matters. The Christian witness is inextricably tied to physical engagement in the lives of others. That is part of our message and the power of our message.

But incarnational leadership is about even more than presence. It is about the kind of presence we bring. What struck me about Mama Maggie is that I immediately sensed, “This is a woman who has seen the face of God.” Her connection to Christ was palpable to me, and when you encounter an individual with that kind of divine connection, you will listen to almost anything she says.

This last aspect of incarnational leadership is the most powerful but it is also impossible to fake. It arises out of a genuinely intimate relationship with God. That is why Mama Maggie’s example was both humbling and inspiring to me. I was humbled because I don’t know Jesus the way she knows Jesus. I don’t embody the presence of God the way that she does, and I am sad that I don’t. I was inspired, however, because I don’t have to take a seminary class or read a book about leadership to be like her. I need only love Jesus with abandon, and that simple act will help me to influence the world the way that Christ did.

*Post by Natalie Robertson*

In my work world, August brings a whole other level of exhaustion on Sundays! I have to dominate the church lobby greeting, chatting, talking, encouraging and listening as we prepare for the launch of Fall Community Groups.

I leave exhausted. It zaps the energy out of me.

I struggle with this, because I feel as though this is the type of work day God calls us to.  To start the day with an unnatural level of energy and leave knowing that you just gave every ounce of energy you could muster up.  And then I feel guilty because I’m an extrovert and this interaction should energize me.  But then I realize it’s the harmony that my body, mind and soul are calling me to.  The harmony of rest and work is one that we will spend our whole lives trying to reach.

There will be seasons in my life that are extremely busy, thinking, striving & achieving.  One of the best things for me to do in these seasons of life is to continue to love and live in the moment.  It’s completely draining but it’s also life giving.  When I look back on these seasons of my life all I see is fruit.  Good rich fruit.

The other season of my life I must embrace is rest.  This can be harder for me at times.  I have so many great creative projects I could be doing or I could be drive to KY to see my family when I have a few days off.  The fact is, I must make myself rest and enjoy the renewed energy God is going to pour into me.

Over the summer I dug into a bible study on the life of David.  I was able to meet with women all summer who live this struggle of harmony in their lives.  I think one of the amazing gifts of this group has been to see us rest in the story of David’s life, to learn and grow so much.  Now we are all in our seasons of life that require us to be pouring out so much and we can remember what God has taught us during this time.

Someone once explained it to me this way.  You don’t need balance. If you look at an old school scale you can see that in order to achieve balance you MUST have an equal weight on each side. It’s impossible to have 365 days a year with equal pouring out energy and rest  in a day.

*Harmony is not balance.*

In music, harmonies intensify the beauty of music. In your life, harmony should be music to your ears.  There is nothing better than listening to beautiful harmonies and there is nothing better than achieving beautiful harmony in your life.

Do you have trouble achieving the Harmony of work and rest?
Do you let yourself rest in God?  
When God asks, are you going to be ready to pour out into others?

*Post by Miranda Telford*

1 Corinthians 10:14 So, my very dear friends, when you see people reducing God to something they can use or control, get out of their company as fast as you can. 

If you notice people fleeing from you on a consistent basis, you might have a control problem.

We all demand control. Some of us are out of control. But we rarely give up control. We put limitations on how God can provide for us and what He can do with our resources.

At times we live as if we know better than God AND those we do life with. We go crazy when someone performs a task different than us. For example, when I load the dishwasher, I rinse off all of the dishes before I load them. My husband throws them in, just the way they are. Drives me nuts! His reply, “Why do we have a dishwasher if we have to wash the dishes before we load them?” Drives him nuts!

Yesterday at Cross Point we featured an Audrey Assad song, “Everything is Yours.” The chorus simply says,

“If everything is Yours, I’m letting it go. It was never mine to hold.”

“If” is a beautiful word to include with this truth. It reminds me that sometimes I will doubt that everything is His.

However small or big “it” is, we have to daily open our hands and remember:

It was never ours to hold.

So,

LET IT GO.

*Post by Julie Pierce*

My husband Brian and I just returned home from visiting our Californian nieces. As the mom of two boys, I love soaking up time with these two feminine phenoms. It’s clear to the whole family that I have a special connection with our youngest niece, Meredith…a competitive connection.  In our 4 days together we challenged unsuspecting suckers to games of checkers, badminton, living-room volleyball, and my personal favorite, basketball.

One morning while Brian and I were teaching Meredith how to execute a pick and roll, (a nearly indefensible basketball skill I believe all seven year-olds should master), I saw her hesitantly give it about 60% of her effort. We demonstrated the steps again and she tried again with the same tentative result.

After several similar tries, Brian coached her to not worry about getting all the steps just right, but to really go for it. She did, and she made the basket. We cheered and her proud smirk lit up the make-shift court.

As I watched my niece acquire this new skill, I saw glimpses of my leadership on display. Those first few times Meredith attempted a pick and roll, she wasn’t really trying. She was trying to get it all just right: she was trying not to fail. Instead of throwing her whole self into it, she held back and over-calculated every move.

Sometimes when I approach a difficult situation, instead of throwing my whole leadership self into the game, I play it safe. I give the situation just enough leadership and direction to make it happen…just enough to follow-through and be considered a good effort. But if I’m really honest, I know the fearful questions that are holding me back a bit: What if this is a colossal failure? What if I put myself out there and nobody likes or wants what I have to offer? What if I blow it and never get another opportunity like this ever, ever again?

I’ve learned in basketball and in leadership, that the only way to truly live is by throwing my whole self in. We can either use our energy tentatively trying not to fail, or give all our effort trying for the best. We can try to control the potential damage through our hesitant efforts or we can trust God to be big enough for the success and the failure. We can focus on what might be avoided or keep our eyes on the prize to be attained.

How will you lead today?

Questions to ponder:
Where are you playing it safe in your leadership?
In what situation do you need to fully commit your whole leadership self, regardless of the outcome?

*Post by Hilary Barnett*

Intimacy…what a powerful word. It can conjure up positive or negative emotions based on our life experience. Lately, I have been contemplating what that word really means when it comes to my relationship with Christ.

It’s often hard for me to truly understand what real intimacy with Christ looks like. There are days that I feel very far away from Him, and “intimate” would not be the word to describe our relationship. “Strained” would be more like it.

I think one way that helps me to understand intimacy with Christ is my relationship with my husband. I am blessed to have a wonderful man in my life, to whom I have been married for nine years. We have had our share of ups and downs, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t long to be close to him, or to look in his eyes and hear him speak to me (feel free to commence the throwing up now). Over the years, he has proven to me by his actions that he is trustworthy, honorable, forgiving, and truly cares about my well-being. I have never felt obligated to be close to my husband- it has always been the desire of my heart, even when we were in conflict.  Deep down, I feel that I need him in my life.

Intimacy with God can work the same way. It is never something we do out of obligation, but a deep desire and need that we know we cannot fulfill elsewhere. We must understand God’s character to be able to trust him- there is no intimacy without complete trust. We cannot trust God’s character just by having “head knowledge”- we have to know it in our hearts. We have to experience it, and acknowledge his love and grace in our lives. We must know that He is ultimately good, and loves us completely. Without this, we will not long to be close to Him.

As I continue to work on my relationship with Christ, I pray that He will place in me, and all of us, a deeper desire to just be with Him. To sit in His presence, gaze upon Him in worship for all that He is and all that He has done, and tune our ears to His voice.  Only good things can come from this.

*Post by Natalie Robertson*

I admit it a few months ago I was totally wrapped up in the Royal wedding.  I wanted to see everything and hear everyone’s comments.  I did research on what it meant to be the heir to the British throne.  It was very interesting, and I was totally fascinated by it all. But recently I started to discover what David’s journey as heir to the throne looked like in 1st and 2nd Samuel.  I would love for you to go ahead and open your Bible to catch up on the last 6 weeks of study I have been doing, but since I know that’s probably not going to happen I’ll make it real simple for you.

-David was a teenager when he found out he would be the next King
-He wasn’t an heir to the thrown (he didn’t have royal blood)
-After he was told he would be the next king, he went back to being a shepherd
-The current king (Saul) did everything in his power to kill David (for many years)
-He finally became king when he was 30

That doesn’t exactly sound like the lavish wedding, Polo matches, trips to America and Rescue training our beloved Prince William has to endure.

As I have studied all of this I really think the thing that strikes me at the core is that David just spent years of his formative life escaping death and herding some sheep. He followed God more closely than any leader of his time.  He wasn’t at odds with God, he was completely in God’s favor.  And yet he had to wait. Not just a few weeks or a few months but over 10 years.  How in the world do you do that?

Here is my bigger question, how in the world did Jesus do it?

Age 30.  He knew who he was and what he was sent here to do, yet he waited.  Maybe you are years away from 30 or you hit that birthday years ago and yet you are not in that sweet spot quit yet.

Maybe you feel like you were called to be a mom full time and you can’t seem to find the man of your dreams.  Or maybe you found him but getting pregnant has not been as easy as it was for your friends.  It could be that you have been fighting it out in the trenches at work and you haven’t gotten the job promotion you wanted.

Being patient for God’s timing is hard, it’s especially hard for leaders.  A lot of times I feel like I have fallen out of favor with God because I’m still hanging out in the field.  There I am just looking out for some sheep.  I had always dreamed those sheep would be people. Throughout my study of David, the Psalms have been extremely helpful to me. We get a close look into david’s journal through the psalms.  He goes through various emotions and we really get to see what it looks like for David as he deals with the days in the fields.

Have you had the same dream? How do you deal with that on a regular basis?

*Post by Sharon Hodde Miller*

Right now a friend of mine is reading a book titled The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America by Drew Pinksky, and it sounds fascinating to me. The book examines the narcissistic behaviors of modern day celebrities, and the ways in which “the rest of us, especially young people, are mirroring these dangerous traits in our own behavior.” (From the publisher’s description)

One night over dinner, my friend shared something from the book that I found personally convicting. The author describes a common phenomenon in which the people in your life function as little more than a mirror of yourself. When you look at your friends or family you don’t truly see them, but only a reflection of how they see you. As a result, the way in which others treat you or speak about you informs your self-understanding and self-image.

Pinsky then drew a clever connection between the mirror effect and the concept of “object permanence.” “Object permanence” refers to our mental comprehension that an object continues to exist even when it moves out of sight. Babies are not born with this awareness and must learn to acquire it. That’s what makes peek-a-boo so fun for them! Adults, on the other hand, have no trouble grasping this idea.

Or do we?

Object permanence is a part of our every day lives. We aren’t wracked with anxiety every time a close friend or loved one goes into another room because we know they are still alive and well. However, many adults do struggle with the notion of “image permanence.” A person without the capacity for image permanence is dependent on constant affirmation in order to maintain a positive self-image. The moment that affirmation is gone, their positive self-image goes with it. Without the capacity for image permanence, one has no ability to sustain healthy self-image apart from the praise of others.

In this way, the mirror effect undermines the capacity for image permanence. For those whose self-image is dependent upon the mirror of the world, their confidence will be in jeopardy every time the reflection is an unfavorable one.

I have to admit, these words are rather timely for me. As a writer, readers don’t pull any punches when they disagree with something I publish. Once it’s out there, it’s fair game! Anyone who has ever held a position of leadership or influence has probably experienced the same harsh criticism. Even in the church, people can be incredibly mean-hearted and tactless in their complaints. In the midst of such criticism, I often find myself oscillating between one extreme of feeling hurt and insecure, or the other extreme of anger–neither of which is productive or edifying.

Amidst the back and forth between despair and rage, Pinksy’s book offers a great perspective. If I constantly look to others, even good Christian people, as the source of my confidence or as a mirror of my self-image, I will forever stand on a shifting foundation. Fortunately as a Christian, I can look to God’s Word as my ultimate mirror. Not only does Scripture reflect back to me God’s unshakeable love, but it also foists my eyes off of myself. When I look to the truth of God’s teachings, I am told who I am and also reminded (blessedly!) that this world is not about me.

In so many ways my heart looks just like the celebutantes Pinksy described. I project my narcissism onto the world around me and consequently live as if I am the center of everyone’s attention. The gospel of Christ is such a wonderful deliverance from that narrow vision! When I remember the unchanging identity I have in Christ I am liberated from the chokehold of the mirror effect and free to pursue a life much grander and more peaceful than my own self-promotion.

*Post by Susie Aboulhosn*

“He prepares the soil–tilling up the earth carefully. With exact precision, he places the seeds. Water is gently poured onto the soil. And then he waits patiently to enjoy the fruits of His labor.”–SMA

I am NOT a gardener. I claim to know nothing when it comes to gardening. However, this year I planted a garden in hopes to have some fresh fruits and vegetables. What I have learned over the past few weeks goes beyond gardening. He has reminded and taught me about what it means to grow not just vegetables, but us as His creation. I hope you enjoy just some of what He has taught me.

Seeds: I was not able to find all my plants in seedling form this year, so some of the garden plants were started from seeds. I had no idea how many seeds to plant to ensure the growth and success of the plants. Do I plant one seed and hope that it survives and grow? Or do I plant multiple seeds to increase the odds of just one taking root and growing? Is this how God works in our life? Does he plant just one seed/dream in our life? Or does He plant multiple seeds in our life and with the right “soil” and circumstances the right seed germinates and that seed/dream grows? How much does the right “soil” play a role in the germination and growth of each our seeds? Can a seed survive in bad “soil”?

Growth: All I have to say is WOW!! I walk out to the garden daily. Watching, looking, and waiting to see some growth. For some of the plants, it seems like it took forever to see progress in growth. For some, it seems like the growth was happening right before my eyes. The beans (which were started from seeds) would go from starting to break through the soil in the morning and by evening was standing an inch tall—and I am not exaggerating.

It made me think about our growth as Christians. Sometimes our growth is slow—taking days, months, or even years to see progress. Yet, sometimes our ability to take in His word and apply the word is at rapid speed and the growth exponential. Does God look at us and wonders about our slow growth spurts at times? And is He amazed when we take in and apply His word?
Predators:  This is one area that I have been struggling with in the garden. At times, it seems like I am fighting on all fronts to keep the garden thriving. Between the rabbits, moles/voles, and the birds….I am surprised that I have anything growing.

And these are just the obvious predators—what about the ones that are not so obvious? In our life it’s the same, there are the obvious things that stunt our growth and block our walk with God and then, well there is the not so obvious. I am reminded regularly in the garden that the “enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy”. As the gardener, I continue to protect and fight for the plants–putting up barriers, chasing the varmints out of the garden, even adding an owl to frighten them away—and yet, even with all that sometimes they still sneak in. It makes me wonder how He feels when He sees that happening in our life. Does He get frustrated? Does he try to figure out another way to protect us from the enemy—another layer or another fence to keep him out?

Fruit: The day that I saw the first pea pod on the plant I was super excited. If you ask me about the day I saw my first tomato growing and well you would have heard a scream that could be heard around the world (okay, maybe just in the next county)….

Oh and the day that we tasted our first pea, well that was another level of excitement. In these moments, I wonder about how He feels when we–as His kids–go from just “talking the talk” to really “walking the walk”–when it becomes real to us and we begin to produce fruit. Is He beside himself with joy and excitement?

I have loved my garden time thus far this summer. In the morning, I get to spend some quiet time with Him…talking with Him and hearing Him. In the evenings, I get to enjoy the garden with my niece and nephew who come out to talk to the plants and enjoy the peas. I know it’s not a stretch to think about God as a gardener; however, I love how the garden has given me better understanding of Him.

So where is God talking to you these days?

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NIV)