All this to say..I remember very few facts or formulas that we were taught in school. (Don’t ask me to list the state capitals, Presidents, or chemical elements. All those things went in one ear, hung out for awhile, but then went out the other.)

But there is one formula I remember. And truth be known it has helped me out of a pinch or two.

I took this peer counseling class and they taught us a quick, but very helpful, formula for assertive communication (aka how to get your point across without offending friend and colleagues).

It is really simple:

“When you….I feel….because….”

Here are a few examples:

• When you rush off the phone, I feel disappointed because I had something I was trying to tell you that you didn’t hear.
• When you make jokes about my hair, I feel insecure because I have always worried that I am going to be bald.
• When you jump to conclusions, it makes me crazy, because I feel like you didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. And I deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Simple enough? But seriously this simple formula keeps me in check. It keeps me from reacting passively (aka burying my feelings). It keeps me from from reacting aggressively (aka intimidating people so they don’t feel comfortable sharing their feelings). And it keeps me from reacting passive-aggressively (aka being just plain annoying).

This works for me. What works for you? Do you have any tips for assertive communication?