We entered our first community group discussion on shattered dreams and as stories of death, addiction, anger & betrayal became front and center I still stood back.

Then one girl in the group challenged those of us who hadn’t shared any shattered dreams with the words “major disappointment.”  I stopped and thought, and actually yes I have had that happen. Though not as significant as the stories being tossed around, it does still affect my life.

I started to share with the group that while I was growing up, school was always such a challenge for me.  I was in a very academically elite school system and those around me were rewarded publically for high grades and those with low grades were pushed aside.  I was one of the ones pushed aside.  I had little to no confidence in anything I did because I knew I would always be average.

As I graduated and moved onto college I started to realize that though it was important for me to get a good education, academics were just one area of my life.  I started to thrive in college through leadership roles all over campus; new student orientation leader, committee chair, Resident Assistant, Secretary of my senior class and graduating with a Leadership emphasis. Through this, my confidence grew. I was ready to tackle the world at graduation day.

My first job post-college was exciting but I began to learn quickly how tough it would be to maintain this confidence in my career.  I found myself 3 months after graduation un-employed.  Unlike school growing up I did thrive at my job, I had a lot of confidence and knew I was doing my job well yet I was pushed aside.  My second job was a different atmosphere and different daily tasks yet it had ended much like the first one.

During that group meeting I started to realize how scared I was.  I was scared to have confidence in anything I did.  If I felt like every move I made was being evaluated, every closed door at my job or even with my group of friends was an emergency meeting talking about the terrible job I was doing.  I had no idea it was taking such control over my daily life.

Over the past few months I have started to work through my fears and go confidently forward in doing the job God has called me to and moving toward being the wife and friend he is teaching me to be.  I do have a shattered dream: it wasn’t a moment in time or singular event but a series of disappointments.

Have their been shattered dreams or disappointments that are hindering your leadership or the confidence you have in your daily life?

What do I dream about? What did I dream about as a kid? Do I still dream? We were asked these questions at the February Cultivate Her….and as I sat there pondering….I initially had no idea of how to respond. I mean how do you answer the question without showing vulnerability to a table of women who you just met? And well, I “faked” my way through it….I gave them my dream (which was a legitimate dream/goal that I had as a kid)—to one day be in the encyclopedia and have people read about  who I am and what I did. I figured it would be about discovering something great—you know like a cure for cancer. I wanted to be remembered. A little foolish don’t you think?  But when I analyze it, it really boils down to leaving a legacy in this world…whether it’s in one person’s life or whether it’s in thousands of lives. My prayer is that I have already done that in some small way….that I have impacted the life of my sister or my nieces and nephews or in taking a photograph that has touched someone or by being a friend who is there in the time of need. We all have the opportunity to leave a legacy.

But, I didn’t really admit my real dream….I didn’t admit it because it scared me to say it out loud. It scared me that if I said it out loud that it will not come true. It scared me because I thought I would sound stupid.  So I didn’t admit that my real dream is to get married and become a wife and mother. I want to leave a legacy in my children…to leave a legacy in my family with my husband.

I had it planned out….I would be married and have my first child by 30. Well, I turned 30 almost a decade ago and my dream has not come true. At times, it scares me that getting married and having children may not happen.

However, I am not ready to give up on my dream. I don’t think God wants me to give up on my dream. I do think He wants me to give up control of my dream. He wants me to put my complete HOPE in Him. To put my complete HOPE in Him means that I completely TRUST Him.  And this is where I struggle… how do I fully surrender control over to Him? I can recite Jeremiah 29:11 in my sleep…”For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”…so I know He has my back. Yet, for some reason, I hold onto this illusion that He needs my help in achieving my dreams and He continually reminds me that He doesn’t. He just wants me to focus on Him…to trust Him….to love Him…and everything else will fall into place. *Sigh*

So, do you struggle to completely (and I mean completely) trust God with your dream? How do you try to control your dreams?

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” CS Lewis

PS – Have you signed up for the April Cultivate Her event? Here’s a link to RSVP. We are going to be talking about confidence. You will not want to miss it!

As I sat in that dark theatre, both times wishing I had gotten popcorn, I thought about the similarities between my friends in Wonderland and in Sante Fe. Both stories are based on dreams and both have an enemy that tries to thwart the character. For Bad Blake, the alcohol is his opponent, or really it’s himself. For Alice, it’s the Red Queen & Jabberwocky. I can literally still smell the popcorn.

Monday came and so did my thoughts (I gladly blame Tim Burton’s wild imagination). Can I really relate to these two completely different characters? Watch me try! Something gets in the way of both characters “dream.” They must choose to fight or run.

What gets in the way of my dream? I do. My fear and pride beat me up (I’m like Bad Blake). Then they become my Jabberwocky. It then comes down to choosing to fight. In “Alice in Wonderland”, she is told she must kill the beast with the Vorpal Sword. One of my favorite lines paraphrased by me is the Vorpal sword knows what to do, just hold it steady. Alice holding the sword is the only thing that can beat the enemy. In my life, I know I can’t face these opponents alone (I’m like Alice). Thankfully, I have a God who willingly becomes my sword and defeats my enemy. Then He moves me forward closer to the dream he has for me. Fight after fight, I just have to keep holding on and not be afraid. Bad and Alice are both desperate. I am desperate. They don’t fight alone and neither do we.

For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.   Psalm 18:31-35

Has there been a movie that was more enlightening than you were expecting? What was it and how did it help?

I was a rule follower and I really felt like the plan for my life had been laid out for me..no reason to dream. I know it’s pretty sad.

The people around me growing up didn’t do this on purpose; they just really saw potential in me that didn’t resonate with my heart. When I tell my friends and family from childhood that I have a new dream or that I am quitting something in order to pursue what I really have big dreams for, I get scared out of my mind.  I am so afraid they will be disappointed in me because their dream wasn’t my dream or because I had pursued a path that someone laid out for me and came to realize that it wasn’t my dream but theirs I was pursuing.

So when I got home to really dig into my Dream booklet I started to realize that I really do have dreams now.  My dream now hasn’t fully formed but I am taking action on some big things in order for me to pursue my dream.

Last week I returned from a mission trip to the Dominican Republic with 14 Cross Point members with a confused look on my face. While I was there I didn’t feel a lot of direction on how I could really use my gifts, talents and resources to help the cause in the DR.  The one thing I did feel was that whatever I was supposed to do was going to make me uncomfortable.  So I went with that for a few days, and after more prayer realized that God was calling me to give something up.  I hate giving up, and I also have a real issue with making success my Ultimate instead of my relationship with Christ.   All of that coupled together caused me to realize that I was going to have to give up something in order to pursue my dreams, and, boy, was it going to be uncomfortable!

Since then I have really started to take action on this uncomfortable feeling, and I have talked to a few people that may be able to help me pursue my dreams. And most importantly, I have a game plan to give up what I need to in order to pursue my dreams.

Do you need to give something up to pursue your dream?

Often times, fear carries a lot more weight than the thing that we’re actually afraid of happening (or not happening). Margaret Becker quotes in her song “Dear John,” “…the fear of losing you, was much worse than coming true” when referring to something in her past that she was afraid of letting go. Does that ring true in your life?

A lot of times, we stand still because of fear – or even worse, we turn from tackling our fears and moving closer to our purpose and actually run far away from what we’re afraid of. If you look at the book of Joshua in the Bible, the most common phrase in it is “do not fear.” In the original language of many of those passages, you’ll learn that that phrase actually literally translates into “do not run.”

What is in store for you and what you’ve been uniquely created for isn’t necessarily going to be easy – on top of that, you are the only one on the earth designed to do it. So ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” and then start answering that question. Start assessing your answers and try to look at your fears objectively – get other perspectives from people around you with whom you feel safe and cared for. Then, start to look at your fears through the eyes of someone who has already conquered those fears and develop a plan of action.

And ladies, be kind to yourself - baby steps are OK. If you’re afraid of flying, that doesn’t mean you need to go hop on the $50 helicopter ride at the beach – but maybe it means you join a group of friends to go see a play in Chicago and you take your first flight with people who build you up and can walk with you through wanting to turn around and head the other way; they’ll also be there to celebrate with you as you conquer your fear and embrace the confidence needed to continue to overcome it.

So much like the questions asked to us last week, what is one step you could take this month to work toward your dream? As Henry David Thoreau stated, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the live you have imagined.”

The only think stopping you from conquering your fears is you surrendering to them. Surround yourself with people who will help you tackle your fears, and go confidently toward the dream that’s been appointed to you.

One of the greatest obstacles to pursuing our dreams is SILENCE! As women (or even worse women leaders) we seem predisposed to treat each other with a spirit of competiveness rather than a spirit of encouragement. So its no wonder we keep our dreams to ourselves! But by keeping our dreams locked away from others our dreams tend to fade.

“The most dangerous thing you can do is keep your dream to yourself. If it only exists as an idea written on these pages, it will wind up buried by the demands of life. You will have to work at it. You will have to be vulnerable and share it. You will have to entrust it to someone else to hold you to pursuing it.” ~ Jenni Catron

My friend Randy Elrod recently put this quote on twitter “Most close friends will walk with you thru sorrow, but only your true & closest friends will celebrate your victories WITH YOU.” This year I have made myself extremely vulnerable with trusted friends by sharing my dreams. It was a defining moment for me to see them “celebrate my victory’s” and although it wasn’t easy it was totally worth it.

So who are the champions in your life; the people that support you, encourage you and believe in you? Have you shared your dreams with them? If not, I challenge you to today to share your dreams! Will there be friends who will show their true colors of competiveness rather than encouragement? YES… but I believe that just like Lisa if you continue to fight your way back to your dreams by being vulnerable with others to cheer you along the way… THE SKY’S THE LIMIT!  So get dreaming!!

PS – Don’t forget to register for our March event.

We opened with Trisha singing a simply stunning rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Amazing how that song brings your whimsy back.

Next Jenni interviewed Lisa of PBJ Creations. Lisa’s story is one we can all identify with on one level or another. Early in life she discovered a passion and an undeniable talent for art. But as she grew up, her stepfather discouraged her from pursuing that passion, deeming it unpractical. It wasn’t until she was in her thirties and in between jobs that she rediscovered her dream of becoming an artist. Today she makes a living pursuing her dream, creating art.

One of the things that really struck a cord with me during Lisa’s interview is the frustration she felt when she was not plugged into her passion.

Jenni shared a quote from Ben Arment that I keep stirring over…”God gives us frustration to shape a dream.”

This week I am trying to tune into where I am feeling frustrated and how I can redefine my dreams.

Here are some things you can do to join me in this process:

1. Read this exceptional post by Ben Arment on Dreams

2. Download and start processing through the “Dream Workbook” we created for the Cultivate Her attendees.

And and don’t forget to get the March Cultivate Her event on your calendar. It will be at 7 AM on Friday, March 26th at Cross Point Community Church. More information and RSVP to follow.

If you were there, what did you take away from Friday’s Cultivate Her Event? If you couldn’t join us, do you have any dreams that have been buried over the years that you might want to revisit?

As a young adult, I found my passion for empowering others focused on ministries within the local church. Along with my husband Justin (who was often a pastor at the church we attended) I was excited, ready and willing to dive into helping people find what they were gifted at. It’s an amazing experience when you are able to see others soar like eagles with their gifts.

Sadly as years passed I realized that I was much like the “Ugly Duckling”. The Ugly Duckling was never really listened to or given much opportunity simply because he was ugly. He saw the world differently because of the road he was forced to travel. In the end the ugly duckling becomes a beautiful swan full of wisdom and appreciation for his beauty and attention he receives.

Over the past 17 years of my adult life I have been given many opportunities to dream and empower others. Yet I have also been faced with the hurt of being overlooked and misunderstood. Throughout the years I have often worn my ugly duckling mask so that others would assume I’m not good enough in hopes of not getting hurt… again. Somewhere in my journey I had convinced myself that the way I pursue my dreams is wrong or not good enough. I have often chosen people’s feelings over what God has called me to do. The end result was to simply stop dreaming.

This past week I was given the opportunity to attend RECREATE10. It was filled with amazing music from amazing artists and awesome speakers. It was a great time to meet new people who are wired a lot like me. But most of all, I got to meet another Ugly Duckling named Randy Elrod creator of recreate.

Throughout the week I was struck by how Randy lead. Every artist, speaker or vendor that took the stage to share his or her gifts had a personal fondness for Randy. That’s when it hit me. He is a beautiful swan who has mastered the art of empowering others to use their gifts for a common goal.

His passion to help people grow and be the best they can be was like healing balm to my wounded heart. I’m excited to dream with parts of my heart that I had determined never to let dream again. I have NO IDEA what this means for my life but I’m so excited to start the journey!

What dreams have you allowed to die? Are there action steps you need to take to dream again?

Cultivate Her is a leadership environment where women are inspired, challenged and encouraged in their leadership growth.  No matter what your leadership influence looks like, your gifts will be cultivated to encourage you to embrace our motto “wherever you lead, lead well.”

Cultivate Her monthly events include breakfast, time to connect with other women leaders, and challenging and inspiring teaching/discussion on leadership issues.

We’ll be kicking off 2010 with the topic “Dream Anatomy - creating a life plan that cultivates your dreams.”

Too often our dreams never see the light of day.

Life overwhelms us.  Responsibilities wear us down.  Criticism discourages us.

How can we live the life of our dreams?

When: Friday, February 26 from 7 to 8:30 AM

Where: Cross Point Church (4301 Charlotte Avenue)

Who: Free free to pass this invite along to a friend and/or bring someone with you.

RSVP in the comments below so we know how many people to expect.

Hope to see you on the 26th!

Honestly I don’t really remember what I dreamt for. I don’t really remember any dreams until I was about 13 and thought I was in love with the man of my dream and thought he would be the one I would marry.

Over the next several years, I changed dreams frequently. Mostly because I would talk my self out of them because I didn’t think I could achieve them. I have done this most of my life. I would want something but it would feel so far out of reach that I would just adjust to something different.

I wanted to be in a band, be a flight attendant, a chef. I graduated from one dream which was to make people beautiful, I went to school for cosmetology, worked in salons for 7 years. After a dream of being an educator for a high end product line fell from my finger tips because my boss wouldn’t support me in it, I left working in the salon to go into retail management. Something I never thought I was capable of doing. I have since worked my way up in the company and live a very different life then I ever could have ever imagined having.

But I often think back to that dream I had as a 13 year old girl to be a wife, a mother, married to a pastor or someone in ministry, and I just can’t let go of that dream.

Maybe my dreams were not in God’s plan. But he has given me more then I could have ever imagined.

I still have one big dream that I’m scared to say out loud, but I am not going to stop dreaming it because you never know when they will come true. I have decided to set an age at which I will pursue this dream regardless of my situation at that time.

Our dreams are never out of reach, even when we think everything holds us from following after them. I’m choosing to DREAM ON and believe I can do anything I want to.

Have you let go of a dream because of fear?